What? It’s nearly Christmas already? I know, I can’t believe it either. Like the seconds hand on a Grand Seiko Spring Drive, December 25th is smoothly sweeping into our busy lives. Now if you’re reading this article, I am going to bet whatever little money I have, that you are being ungrateful. And desperately seeking advice from your good old pal the internet, to give you answers on how to hint to your loved ones to get you that bloody timepiece you’ve been lusting after for the last three years. And because I feel sorry for you, I shall grant you that vital information you think you deserve. Here goes the tips from the Watch Perv.
Tip no 1, you’re out with them and wrist-perving, be pathetic (shouldn’t be too hard) and make them feel sorry for you. This particular strategy requires you to bring out your inner Robin Williams (rest his soul) and put on a show. First, like what you always do, scan your surroundings for some inspiration. When you see that eye-catchy wrist candy, make a comment about how exquisite it looks and how it completes the look of that person. Then proceed by quickly toning it back down to sorrow as you whisper with melancholy, “Wow… that guy is so lucky, how I wished I could own a GMT like that.” Yeah… pathetic right? But if you want that watch, you need to work for it. There’s no time for shame!
Tip No 2. When you’re back home, go through watch catalogues together, but don’t be obvious about it. Caution! I repeat, caution! Do this with extra attention otherwise the whole plan will be a disaster. Think of this tip as fishing. What you want to do is to first make sure that your partner is in a good mood. If I could use capitals for that last sentence I would, but I personally hate it when people capitalise words to emphasise a point. Proceed to make their favourite cuppa, and set the mood. Have them seated and relaxed. Bring out your iPad and start browsing those online catalogues (they are probably used to it by now) but start by finding a reference that might suit them, and tell them how it would be “cute” if you had matching watches. Hopefully, they will think that you are being thoughtful and start flipping through the pages of selections with you. The rest, is up to you.
But wait… If being subtle is not working, it’s time to roll up the sleeves and get… explicit!
Tip no 3. So now, it’s time to start leaving obvious clues around. You could start by sharing this article on your social media page and tag a couple of your WIS friends with *winking* or *smirking* emojis. If your partner doesn’t use social media as extensively as you do, don’t worry, hope is not lost yet. You have to take the risk, and simply just be upfront with them. Ask if you could round up all of the special events next year into one sweet Christmas package. Just don’t regret it next year if you ain’t getting anything for your birthday, anniversary…etc. The best part is that they might appreciate this as it will cross many things off the list for them. However, if this doesn’t go well and ends up with the usual accusation of “look at how many watches you have already”… don’t blame me.
So, did they tell you that you have too many watches already?
Tip no 4. Simply pop onto Instagram now and show them the accounts of some watch hoarders (ahem, I mean collectors) like @hororgasm or @jrwong23 to prove that you’re actually not too bad! Well, yes they may be outliers but hey a man’s gotta grow his collection slowly and have some extra accessories for “double-wristing” all the different 365 days of the year, don’t you agree?
Note to self: Remember to make a note of thanks to whoever invented that word “double-wristing” for all of us. He must be a genius!
And lastly, gifts are a two-way street!
The Christmas season as we all know, is all about gifting but you probably didn’t get what you wanted because you are a bona fide tight ass and spent all your money on yourself. The thing that you should remember is that you need to start thinking about others if you want them to treat you equally. Now, with that out of the way, we need to transform you into a better person. Alright, I should really stop preaching, but let me remind you, before you even start the last minute showering of gifts, it’s probably going to be a good idea to start paying attention to them more to find out what they really want, and not just another random stocking filler. Don’t just ask them how their day was, that’s small talk man. After that, drop hints to tell them that you are out for Christmas shopping and you’ll be ready for the gift exchange soon!
And if this or any of the above doesn’t work, all this mate can say, is… better luck next year.