Richard Mille comes through again with the RM69 Erotic Tourbillon. Well known for its excesses in utility, Richard Mille’s line of extraordinarily functional timepieces never fails to shock us with their obscene levels of ingenuity. Priced at USD$696,000, the RM 69 cased in titanium is said to be a billionaire virgin’s lifesaver as he looks for verbal cues to decide which piece of his anatomy to engage. It is always prudent to acknowledge that not everything is intuitive, Richard Mille for one is the prudent sort.
Cased in grade 5 titanium, the watch is designed to be light enough for any task at hand, from using the mouse to hitting the joystick. While not as paperlight and shock resistant as its tennis player’s favourite piece, the RM 69 is nonetheless designed to take the vibrations and blows from any vigorous wrist action with the Kif Elastor shock absorbers. The watch measures 50 mm x 42.7 mm x 16.15 mm. To contextualize, approximately 2 inches in length and 1.5 inches in girth. Of course, size is not everything.
The RM69 is equipped with a 3 line display also known as the “Oracle”. Seeing that the nomenclature is too far fetched for today’s more civilized populace, the “Oracle” is also colloquially known as the mechanical sex therapist. Her fees do not come cheap though. Each 3 line display is put together via 3 rotating titanium rollers. By pressing the pusher at 10, the ‘Oracle’ is activated and produces a random 3 liner. Considering that each roller is 6 sided, there will be a maximum number of 216 permutations. Given that the watch costs USD$696,000, each command given by the Oracle costs approximately $3200. That’s with a discount. Considering how the wearer must love to push buttons, the RM 69 is designed with another push button at 8, that when activated, causes the hands to momentarily swivel away for the viewing of the ‘Oracle’.
While we have been flabbergasted by all that we have heard about the watch, we were pleasantly calm when we got to know that it has a 69 hour power reserve! Sufficient power for one to endure a weekend of debauchery. It is powered by a fast rotating barrel which is said to be more energy efficient than conventional power systems. The watch was probably designed to keep going, in the hopes that its wearer would too.
All in all, we think the RM 69 is a gorgeous timepiece. We heard some collectors say how great a representation the watch is of Richard Mille as a brand. It is a spiritual epitome of innovation, functionality and human progress. If there’s anything to be left wanting, we all wish that the watch was phallic instead of tonneau. After all, that would be one more function, a plumbing device for gaping holes.